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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
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|Tuesday, December 4th, 2007|
it's been almost a year since i've been on here, SO crazy. . . but i'm still alive.
|Tuesday, December 26th, 2006|
|dude, honestly, lj is still in existance?
haaaa, that's SO entertaining to me for some odd weird reason. . . anywho, i forgot all about this stuff, i'm a myspacer, like i've been fro what 3, 4 years now? yea. . .
|Sunday, July 23rd, 2006|
|myspace isnt working. . . i think the world just may end.
k, so i havnt been on myspace since thursday (i went camping), & since we all know that myspace is like a fucking child to me & it can't ever get enough of my attention, i'm ready to cry. . . i honestly think i feel the shakes comming. . .
|Saturday, July 8th, 2006|
|hey, whodey, it's me!
it's been a while, so i'll update. . . I broke up w/ neil almost a month ago, it's different, i'm looking for a new boo, but at the same time keeping neil as an option, he's going to get himself a shrink & he's looking into conversion classes, which is crazy impressive, but untill he gets himself help, i will not be in a relationship with him. I refuse to be hit. . . but yea, my parents are out of town on a cruise, they'll be gone for about another 1 1/2 weeks, my friends screwed me over $$ wise, but then again, i've always had some of the most amazing friends, heh, yeah, exactly. . . on the other hand mear got some scarification stuff on her back and it's gorgeous, makes me want to get it almost, but i wont, i'm saving my $ for the wings that i'm getting. BTW, i'm getting a full back piece, a pair of angel/fairy wings (i'm combining the design), and they will go from my shoulder blades to my tail bone & wrap around my hip a teeny tiny bit. . . I'm crazy excited. . . I'll post a pic up when i get them, but who knows how long from now that will be. . .
|Tuesday, March 28th, 2006|
|wow, it's been a fucking long time. . .
And such is life. . . I've moved on drastically since last time i was on here. . . in 2005, i lost 9 people to death and a few friends to selfishness & the inability to think of others feelings. . . The anniversary's are comming up, and all i can do is thank god that i have shows on the few dates comming up, because if i were to be home alone, with neil, or Rach or any of them, i think i would take a knife to my throat. . . in the words of the amazing Mr. Emmich: "If the medication fails to work, try a razor"
wow, he's amazing, but yea. . . i'm still in the process of discovering who i am & i think i'm doing a damn good job @ it. I'm getting back in to the industry face first, because that is where my heart belongs, you know, with all of the people who have gone through the same things that i have gone through, and instead of just writing about them online, have written them in songs & are famous because of it. . . maybe, one day, i still hope to be where they are. . . i believe in myself, and know that one day that WILL happen. . .
Thats really it, i'm getting ready to go pick up a boy from the train station & drop him off @ the airport, why? because i'm a nice person like that & know that in the future i will need a fav. from that band and they will be able to return it. . . anyways, thats it.
|Tuesday, August 9th, 2005|
|2morrow is an anniversary
i miss u guys, both of you, i still cry, i still love you. . . i can't wait till i see you again, let it be years, months, days, minutes, or seconds. . . my arms will be open waiting for your hug.
|Tuesday, July 19th, 2005|
i love my friends, i love my family, i love my b/f. . .
now why cant i stop thinking about who's going to die next? I went to 2 shows since the news of chuck, and i keep thinking that i see him. All over the TV last week were shows about people dying, or faking their deaths, or people handling their losses. . . is this supposed to be some kind of sign, or someones fucked up ways of making me deal with it. . .
who will it be? when will it be? what am i supposed to do?
|Tuesday, July 12th, 2005|
|R.I.P. Charles Micheal Minich : Guiding light. . . i'll never forget you.
it's 4:31 p.m., and i've been awake since 4:30 a.m. monday
I can't sleep, i can't eat, i havn't been able to since i found out. . . I have so much going through my head right now. . . I can't believe someone else is gone. . . it's like, first scott, then my cousins, then my great-uncle, any day/week Alex Cuhen, Any second my father, and now Chuck. . . I think the worst thing about death is when it comes out of nowhere. . . you know what, fuck that, thats not even the worst of it. . . the worst is not being able to say goodbye. . . you know what? fuck that too! I don't know the worst thing about it, maybe that i will never see him again, or maybe that i will never hear of anymore or witness anymore of him just being him. . . not giving a shit about what the world around him thought but saying what he thought. . . I know this sounds weird, but I'm SO jealous of him. He had this confidence about him that i would do anything to have. . . He said things that would make you want to piss your pants, not just 'cuz they were funny, but because it was so random, you know, things that other people might think but not say, or not even think about in their whole lives. . . but he would say something and months down the line, you still laugh when you thought about it. . . Kind of like when he was yelling at "Patric Swazey" because he was eating all sodium. . . lol, like, seriously. . . i'm laughing through my tears right now, 'cuz i know in my heart that those words are only memories that i can cherish. . . not something that i can look forward to happening again. . . Or how about his politics. . . seriously, that boy could go on and on and on, omg, it was so great, and no matter what he was talking about whether you understood it or not, you still followed along and tried to change the subject after about 5-10 minutes. . .
At this point in time, i dont even know what i am writing, i could go up and reread what i wrote, but i know in my heart that i shouldn't even worry. . . I know i am writting about a friend that i will always remember. . . that i will always miss. . . and who i cant believe is gone. . .
R.I.P. Chuck. . . i love you Current Mood: sad
|Monday, June 13th, 2005|
So, if you know me, than you know my love for Andrew McMahon. . . well i regret to inform everyone that he has been diagnosed w/ Acute Lymphatic Leukemia. Leukemia in it own is bad, thats what scott died from. . . Acute means that it is going to get worse rapidly. . . Please donate a few dollars to help him. www.somethingcorporate.com
If you are too selfish to donate $3, than you shouldn't be my friend.
|Friday, May 20th, 2005|
so, i just got back from drinks w/ the girls. All i can say is that i absolutly love those people. Abby is my new big sister, and i mean seriously. we look alike and we have so many things in common. I cant wait to spend 8 hours with them tomorrow, and thats scary as all hell, HAHA
anyways, i just wanted everyone to know how much i love school and the people i spend everyday with!
|Thursday, May 5th, 2005|
|DAMN IT. . . FUCK YOU DEATH, I FUCKING HATE YOU!!!
So, if you live in the local area, you probably have heard about the fucking asshole who was drunk yesterday around 2-3 pm and is still drunk over the legal limit, now @ 12:14 am. . . so that makes it almost 2 days ago. . . for those of you who havnt heard, let me fill you in. . . my cousins, through marrage, that i celebrate all holidays with, were on their way to a doctor or something of that sort. . . well, this asshole of a fuckface was drinking from traverse city and stopping @ bars all the way down; that is, down until he crossed the fucking median and hit my cousin's car. . . they're all dead, the mom, sammy, and alex. . . sammy was 9, alex 12. . . and according to what i have heard through the vine, the guy, who might i mention again, is still fucking drunk, wont be accused of man slaughter and is (from what i've heard) only supposed to get 15 years. . .
HE TOOK 3 FUCKING LIVES AND THAT IS ALL HE IS PUNISHED WITH. . . HE DOESNT EVEN KNOW WHAT HE HAS DONE YET!!!!!
I fucking hate this state, i fucking hate this country, some one can hit a deer on the expressway @ 4 in the morning and get 8 years, and thats only a fucking deer. . . we're talking about 3 human lives. . .
FUCK THIS SHIT.
|Monday, April 25th, 2005|
|Broken Wings Have a Home tonight
I love bleed the dream, and like, 3 times in 1 week makes me feel even more close to them. I talk to dave almost everyday. We cried about scott together. . . seriously, if they dont make it platinum i will kill somebody, because they desearve so much better than they have.
|Tuesday, April 19th, 2005|
|school, shows, and neil
School is great, i love the girls, except paula, this 50 yr old who is the biggest pill popper i've ever met, and as many of you know, thats a shit load of pills. Anyways, she cheats like hell off of me, got caught and yea, well, lets just say that every person @ my school hates her. . . other than that, hung out in the D a few weeks back w/ some of the grads, and omg, SO fun.
Then i finished off the weekend w/ the most tragic news, Scott Gottlieb (bleed the dream) died. Like, it sucks when an amazing musician dies from an overdose or something, but it sucks even mroe when the person is your friend (though we havnt talked in a bit) and was waiting for a marrow transplant. . . i just, wow. . . cried forever about it, depressed for about 3 days and couldn't take my eyes off of the first and last pics i have w/ him. The first one he's 100% healthy, having fun and a real smile. The second, he's bald, with a bandage on his arm and smileing through his pain. I get to hang out with the guys on thursday, so i'm hoping that will help out a bit. I just cant wait to give dave a huge hug & shed a few tears, get rid of some of the pain. Also, since i couldn't make it to the funeral, i bought a hampster and named it Scotty. . . it rocks. . . he has sideburns. . .
As for shows, i am jam-packed almost every night, its crazy, i mean i absolutly adore all of my friends in bands, and love seeing them, i just wish it was more scattered, and not 6 shows in 1 week, then 5 shows the next. . . maybe if it were 10 shows a month or something, but no, not ever. . .
as for neil, we're great, as long as he doesnt over draw my bank account again, or ditch me for his cousin or car. . . but i love him, and always will. . .
thats all for now, i love my friends and i'm SO siked that most of you are comming home for the summer!
|Friday, March 25th, 2005|
|my newest work in progress
If it were to turn any colder,
My tears would be snowflakes,
Falling from the bloodcicles
From your iced heart.
Cracked, chipped and hollow,
Yet i will wait for tomorrow,
To scream my words of sorrow:
"A broken heart can only break
An even more iced heart."
Shattered hearts might mend in time,
If not yours, than never mine.
Black velvet ribbons can only hide,
All the pain thats left inside.
sometimes im so happy i got myself out of kalamazoo. . . from what i have learned, this town only knows pain, sorrow and broken hearts
|Thursday, March 10th, 2005|
my entire buddy list on aim just got deleted, will every1 please leave ur SN in the comments, thanx!!!
|Wednesday, March 9th, 2005|
|so i know i said i wouldn't use this anymore, but the myspace blogs are messed up. . . . .
so yea, i just woke up, dont know why, slept for 2 1/2 hours. . . this sucks. . . i start school this comming monday, kinda excited to meet the 22 other people in my class, but on the other hand, it's school. . . it's the one thing thats stopping me from going on tour other than neil, but i wouldn't let him hold me back. . . i mean, its fucked up thinking that i could be on the TOC tour right now w/ some of my good friends, and then warped again, but i cant because of this school deal. . . and to top it all off, Insult to Tradition needs michigan shows, but for june, so im getting stressed out over that, and 12 summres old needs a show in like, a month, and i NEED to book a good band with them, 'cuz i cant let what happened to carmine red happen to them, and oy. . .
why cant my life just fit together like everyone elses, why does mine have to be so fucked up and crazy??
|Friday, January 28th, 2005|
|buh bye LJ
deciding on what to do, care about lj anymore, or lj and myspace, or just myspace. . .
tought call, but i think myspace is calling my name. . .
|Tuesday, January 25th, 2005|
i can not say how much i absolutly adore teej. . . I mean, sweet enough on my birthday to jump off the stage while tunning just to give me a huge hug and to wish me happy birthday like 8 times, BUT he also is comming up to rock-a-billy's with the t's tomorrow so that we can have a realy birthday party w/ hats and those whiney whistle things. . . lol
Even after i made him break edge (oops, not my fault!!), and he does that much for me. . . i love that kid!!!
|Sunday, January 23rd, 2005|
i'm sick of being hurt by a certain person. . . whenever there is a fight, it's due to me being hurt. . . maybe this should be the end, i dont think it would make a difference to this person, we never talk and i'm sick of making all the attempts to be friends.
SO, i'm ready for all the bitchy comments from people saying that im blowing all of this out of porportion, but if i did that to any of you, you would be even more upset tham i am, and you know it. Put yourself in my shoes. It's not my fault anymore.
|Friday, January 21st, 2005|
IT'S MY FUCKING BIRTHDAY BITCHES, GET ME DRUNK!